I rarely disagree with my favorite TV hosts, but I think I may need to make an exception.

A few months ago I was watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, hosted by that cuddly, frosted-tipped character, Guy Fieri on The Food Network. He made a stop to my neck of the woods in Astoria to visit The Sparrow Tavern. I was instantly intrigued, first and foremost because it was in my hood, but secondly because it looked pretty f’n cool. Astoria isn’t exactly known for its hipster dining establishments, but this bar/restaurant was pure hip-chic (wooden benches, craft brews and an eclectic menu…oh and a couple of people in thick-framed glasses just for irony’s sake).

Needless to say I was pretty pumped to try it. I brought some friends along with me and hoped for the best….

…holy rude waitstaff! Sure, it was a Friday night at 8 p.m. so each table was packed, but the waitstaff looked as though they could not care less about whether we dined there or not. After a brusque “wait at the bar,” and a few minutes of awkward hovering, a table opened up and the waitress waved us over with a regal ‘if you must eat here’ hand.

But in the name of a good ladies’ night, we waited patiently until we could sit and order drinks. I opted for an Abita Light, a tasty NOLA brew, while one of my friends attempted to try some lavender blueberry mojito concoction. First I was told they were out of Abita Light so I went for my classic standby, a dirty martini, which ended up being more olive juice than vodka. Jenna’s mojito came watered down in a pint glass with a straw haphazardly thrown in. Sloppy to say the least. Did I mention that after I ordered my $12 martini they suddenly discovered they had Abita Light?

And then there was the food. Around the table we sampled mac and cheese, pork tacos, a chicken potpie and some sort of “bifteki burger,” which was a burger stuffed with manouri cheese and mint and topped with tzatziki.

Meh, is all I can say. The mac and cheese was nothing to write home about, the chicken potpie tasted usual at best, and I only received two tiny tacos. The bifteki burger was the only item that truly stood out on the menu, but that could have been by comparison to everything else.

Oh Sparrow Tavern, you let me down. More importantly, Guy Fieri, you let me down. I’m willing to give this place another go around, but if you are looking for hipster pub grub, this place is not really worth your travels. Minus one for Astoria.

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