You guys know what it’s like when you walk into a casino steakhouse for a filet mignon by yourself and you end up meeting a millionaire and gambling away $500 of his dollars, right? No, just me? Well then…

Perhaps it’s best to start at the beginning. When I’m in Vegas (all two times) I like to treat myself to an excellent steak dinner. So there I was at Union Restaurant & Lounge at Aria Resort & Casino, sipping my glass of Shiraz, minding my business. A gentleman, let’s call him “Jeff,” began harmless chitchat, as men in Vegas do with girls sitting alone at bars. As the topic of careers came up I innocently said, “well you can always make your millions and retire somewhere quiet.” To which Jeff replied, “Well I’ve got the first part covered.” Ahh my first millionaire.

They are usually easy to spot, ladies. Fancy threads, usually some leather accessory, be it a wallet or shoes and maybe a gold cigar in his mouth. But Jeff was camouflaged as your average Joe: white long-sleeved shirt, jeans and absolutely no leather (he had a moneyclip!). But found me a millionaire, I did. I told Jeff that I didn’t know how to gamble and apparently that was unacceptable, so we headed to the tables for a little Three Card Poker.

Tip: It’s a lot more fun to gamble when it’s not your money.

Three hours flew by in a span of what seemed like half an hour (damn you, casinos and your free drinks, no windows and no clocks). My pile of chips dwindled miserably. (Jeff seemed to care about that as much as if a lump of pennies had fallen out of his pocket and onto the sidewalk.) If you want this story to end with me winning thousands and going off and blowing it all on hookers and cocaine, I’m sorry to disappoint you. But I walked out of there with my head held high, three $5 chips in hand, proud of the work I did. Our buddy at the table, Doug, on the other hand, walked away with a cool $1,000, bid the dealer and us a Texas ‘night y’all’ and headed up to bed.

Note: I’m not recommending this to all the ladies out there. This probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but Jeff didn’t ask for my number or creepily follow me back to my room, so I’m still cashing the night out as a win. It’s too bad I’m taken, though. A girl could get used to Jeff’s ranch and villa in Cabo San Lucas. Yes, Jeff has a ranch and villa in Cabo San Lucas.